Well, I wasn't a finalist. But I still felt very good about the contest, because my dialogue snippet was, in my eyes, just as good as some of the stuff that was chosen. Sure, there's a certain amount of personal bias here, but I've been in the position before of reading other people's writing and saying "Damn...I'm just not that good," and that didn't happen, so overall I'm feeling pretty good about my dialogue. That said, it can't hurt to turn the responsibility for judgment (which, incidentally, should be spelled with two 'e's, in my opinion. Someday, after I'm respected the world over for my writing, I'll write to the Oxford English Dictionary and see about remedying this....) over to others. The following is my dialogue snippet, and below that I'll post my favorite snippet of the finalists, and you guys can let me know whether I'm way off base in thinking I'm not much worse. Hell, if anyone wants to pick apart either or both entries, please do.
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My entry:
Cole's eyes burned and his right hand clenched into a fist. On his left side, Dil snaked her arm through his and leaned against him. Her hand found his and their fingers intertwined. She spoke quietly.
“What's wrong?”
He frowned, staring darkly at the fire. “Everything.”
Beside him, he could feel her shake her head. “Everything but us.” She lay her head against his shoulder, staring with him into the embers of the fire.
His fist relaxed, and after a moment he smiled sadly. “Everything but us.”
He heard a sound to his left and lifted his eyes to see Leramis get to his feet, staring towards the mountains.
Quay immediately stood from where he had been crouching, his eyes darting to face that direction. His voice sounded almost panicked. "What is it, Leramis?"
The necromancer stayed silent for a moment, his eyes narrow. No one moved, and he frowned. "The Renegades' struggle is over. I can't sense any more fighting."
Cole's heart froze and there were a few seconds of silence before Dil spoke, her voice almost shaking. "Who won?"
Leramis shook his head. "I don't know. The only power I can sense now is Sherduan's."
Cole heard only his heartbeat. After a moment, he spoke.
"What does that mean?"
Leramis shook his head again and stared into the night. "I don't know."
My favorite of the finalists, from a writer whose blogger name is Polenth:
"Davie, dearest? That's a very bad idea."
"Why?" asked Davie. He stopped the drill an inch from his head.
"Dying is terribly unpleasant."
"I won't die. My mind isn't bound to my physical form. This will prove my independence from mortal flesh!"
"I'm sure it will, dear," I said. "But you'll get blood on your clothes. What would your mother think?"
He lowered the drill. "She'd be angry."
"Exactly. Why don't we prove your independence from mortal flesh some other way?"
"There isn't another way."
I sighed. "You could go on a quest or sing about it, like a normal young man. You're making my job very hard."
He scowled. "You just don't understand."
"Of course I do, poppet. Come on, let's get some doughnuts. You'd miss doughnuts without a body, wouldn't you?"
"I suppose." Davie looked at the drill. "Fairy Godmother? Can I drill holes in the doughnuts?"
"Yes dear. If it stops you drilling holes in yourself, go right ahead."
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Let me know your opinions. If anything, I think mine probably just had too much description and not enough speaking for a straight-up dialogue contest---but hey, that's how I write, and I'm pretty happy with it.
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1 comment:
I think the main difference is that the finalist's section is almost entirely dialogue, while yours is 50-50 dialogue and description. There's also more flow to the finalist's dialogue - yours doesn't work as well out of context of the rest of the novel. But I think your writing is at least as good :)
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